I just wanted to write a post about what I’ve been up to since my last post, which was around Jan/Feb time! From the lack of posts you may have guessed that I fell off track a little, or you may have been thinking I’ve been working out so hard I had no time to blog, sadly it was the first ;(
Every week I get tons of Follow Friday mentions where people are calling me motivational, inspirational and part of the fitfam and I just feel like a fraud lately.
When I started to live the clean eating and lifting weights lifestyle I absolutely lovedddddd it, I was 100% dedicated and addicted! I actually couldn’t see myself ever falling off track. I saw constant blogs and tweets about staying motivated and I honestly believed I wouldn’t need anything to motivate me, as I was seeing awesome results and feeling great.
Where it first all went wrong!!
I started getting serious about fitness when i was in my final year of University, although I was bogged down with exams and coursework I still had quite a bit of time on my hands, as in I didn’t have to be set places at set times, my time was mine to do as I wished, so it was quite easy to fit in a workout and I had plenty of time to prep my meals.
I was dating a guy who was in the army so he was hot about fitness too, it was easy to stay on track being with him because he ate clean and trained hard, he motivated me and he gave me a lot of great advice. Soon after we got together, he was sent to Afghan. I still worked out super hard, I had the bug and I couldn’t stay away from the gym! I loved writing him letters everyday telling him of the progress I was making and I even joined up to Crossfit classes because that was his thing and I wanted to impress him!
Three months passed and he came back for his two weeks R and R. We literally hadn’t seen each other for three months and I was so excited for him to see my new body. I had dropped a stone, lost inches, felt amazing and was in the best shape of my life…
In these two weeks he was back, he never commented once on the way I looked, never told me I looked better than before nor said he was proud of what I had achieved. He spent most of these two weeks flirting with every other woman that he could! This really knocked my confidence and I guess a part of me thought what was the point if he hadn’t even noticed.
This is where I realized maybe I wasn’t working out for myself but maybe to impress him. During this time I graduated and left University and got a full time job.
I work in a betting shop so I do shift work, sat down at a till all day surrounded by colleagues who eat junk to pass the time. After a few weeks of not gymming and eating junk, I really missed the clean lifestyle and realized this time I was doing it for me! This lifestyle has to be for the right reasons and you have to be doing it for yourself and not for anyone else. The lifestyle makes you stronger both mentally and physically and you have to be prepared for the ups and downs that come with it. I managed to keep up the gym around work and always prepped my meals so was feeling on top of things again 🙂
As time went on, I was working more and more hours, sometimes hitting over 60 hours a week doing back to back 13 hour shifts and having to travel an hour each way to get to work. I know people say not to make excuses and I constantly heard people say to me, “If you really want it you will make time”.
It was these comments that through me a bit off track as well. Yes, I know many people work long hours and still fit in the gym and prep their meals but at this time I just felt so tired and had no lust to go to the gym whatsoever. i started taking these comments to heart and actually thought that ok maybe I didn’t want it as much as everyone else if I wasn’t willing to make time for the gym. Everytime I met a new person I told them about my goals about one day competing in a bodybuilding competition.
We all know that unless you are into this lifestyle, you do reach a lot of negative criticism. More and more people were telling me not to ruin my body and that they liked me the way I was. At first I was like “Sod you I like muscly women” but as time went on I was starting to think why am I putting so much effort into something that lots of people don’t actually find attractive. I’m working my butt off in the gym, depriving myself of chocolate and no one even likes the look I’m going for!
Nowadays I realise you have to do what makes you happy and not everyone else, I really admire strong muscly women and find them extremely beautiful. So if the people around me don’t like it, they can lump it. After all I will still be the same person inside.
I am a vegetarian so I started thinking I wasn’t going to reach my goal because everyone who inspires me seems to be eating chicken five times a day, I started thinking I was being unrealistic, I even tried to eat chicken! It took me four hours to eat one chicken thigh and then i felt guilty for weeks! I realised to keep this lifestyle up, you really do have to do whats best for you otherwise you will never be able to sustain it. Some people need a cheat every week, some people literally just can’t stomach eating eggs. For me, not eating animals is important, so I have to find a way around the diet and follow a high protein vegetarian diet 🙂
Since my last post, I have been up and down, nothing can actually keep me away from the gym because I love it so much, nothing makes me feel better than eating clean and seeing progress but sometimes I do struggle around work.
I was lucky enough to meet Mimi_tastic from twitter at the start of the year and she introduced me to a wonderful trainer called Magda. I probably saw Magda for around about a month and was loving my time training with her but then unfortunately I got moved to work outside of Birmingham and what with not living in Birmingham city centre and not driving it would have been too hard to continue with Magda.
There are many girls who started their fitness journey after I started mine, but through sheer dedication and hardwork I see many of them are competing this year and absolutely smashing it, I think to myself all the time that it could have been me if I didn’t fall off the wagon.
Luckily, even though I am no longer training with Magda, it was the kick up the bum I needed. I saw the amazing progress of girls such as @Mimi_tastic @kt_baybeh @minxbecky and @rlhalliday and I want that too!All of these girls absolutely live and breathe the lifestyle and work so hard, they are truly inspiring and I cannot wait to see them on stage.
The point of this post really is to say I think everyone falls off track sometimes during their fitness journey. Maybe for a day, maybe for a week or maybe even longer like myself but the important thing is, that if you really do want it, it never does leave your heart and its always possible to get back on track and smash your goals.
Everyone has different lifestyles and things going on in their lives, whether it be work or family commitments but the thing with this journey is, it isn’t a sprint, as everyone says Rome wasn’t built in a day. I know now I am back on track and fitting in as much as I can around work that I will one day reach my goal. For now, it is about being healthy and happy.
I am lucky to have met so many supportive fitness friends who do keep me on track and inspire me to reach my dreams 🙂
I saw a quote from Mel redwood on twitter today which I really liked
Do not let doubt stand in the way of your dreams
so I hope you all believe in your dreams and we will all keep working to achieve them all 🙂